


Betrayal and Reconciliation

by Cypress (CalmWatersSubtleDance)



Category: Elder Scrolls, Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguments, Ashlanders - Freeform, Balmora, Dunmer - Freeform, Elder Scrolls Lore, F/M, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, Intersex Nerevarine, Khajiit - Freeform, Masturbation, Morrowind Main quest, Nerevarine uses She/Her pronouns, Non-Binary Nerevarine, Other, Redguard - Freeform, Ta'agra, Urshilaku, Velothi, Worldbuilding, bosmer - Freeform, mild sexual harassment, rocky relationships, tagging just to be safe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-12
Updated: 2017-06-12
Packaged: 2018-11-13 08:06:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11180571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalmWatersSubtleDance/pseuds/Cypress
Summary: Ma'zurah the Khajiiti Mage and reluctant Imperial Blade has just received orders to fulfill the Nerevarine prophecies. Worse, she now has to tell Julan, her new Ashlander boyfriend, and risk damaging her relationship with him before he finds out on his own and ruins her chances with him forever.Or: Ma’zurah finally starts to get into the serious parts of the main questline.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mods directly referenced:  
> -Julan Ashlander Companion Mod by Kateri. http://lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm  
> -Constance Thief Companion by Grumpy and Emma. http://lovkullen.net/Emma/Constance.htm  
> -Jasmine by Jac. http://www.nexusmods.com/morrowind/mods/43336/?  
> -White Senches by Kieve. http://www.nexusmods.com/morrowind/mods/10415/  
> -Hlaalu Council Quarters by Princess Stomper. http://mw.modhistory.com/download-87-7159

Ma'zurah slammed the door to Caius Cosades’ apartment and trudged miserably through the rain. She worked her way through the trash strewn streets of southern Balmora, across the Odai river to the nicer side of the city, and up the hill to the Eight Plates and let herself inside. Removing her dripping oilskin, she hung it to dry on a peg in the hallway and went in search of Jasmine. She discovered the Redguard woman deep in conversation with Deandre at the bar, apparently discussing the details of the latest book Deandre had asked them to find. 

“See, that’s what’s so fascinating about the Ra’gada mythos when compared to--” The animated Breton bard spotted Ma’zurah and waved her over with a grin. “Ah, Ma’zurah! Always a pleasure to see you! Is… everything alright?”

Ma'zurah gave him a nod of greeting and a tight smile and turned to Jasmine. “Ma’zurah needs to talk to Jasmine somewhere private.” she said in a low voice.

“Of course.” Jasmine looked worried. It was highly unusual for the normally chipper Khajiit to be so tense. “Please excuse us Deandre.” She led Ma'zurah to her rented room and closed the door behind them.

When Jasmine turned to face Mazurah, the Khajiit was wearing an expression of intense anxiety. “Ma'zurah apologizes for interrupting Jasmine, but Ma'zurah has just come from Caius…” 

Jasmine immediately assumed a guarded expression. “Go on…”

“He… he…” Ma'zurah appeared on the verge of hyperventilation.

“Breathe. Did he have new orders for you?” 

“Yes!” Ma'zurah burst out, “And finally explained why he has been having Ma'zurah look for all the Nerevarine information! He wants Ma'zurah to… to…” she choked and hurriedly rummaged through her bag to produce a crumpled piece of paper.

Jasmine took it and smoothed it. “I have the honor to acquaint you with his Majesty's wishes concerning Ma’zurah…” Jasmine’s brow furrowed and she continued reading in silence.

Ma'zurah closed her eyes and calmed herself, taking slow, even breaths.

Jasmine lowered the paper and stared. “I… can't believe what I just read.”

“Neither can Ma'zurah, but Caius made it clear that if Ma'zurah does not do this thing, that he will put her right back in prison…”

“So what do you have to do first?”

Ma'zurah swallowed. “Speak to the Urshilaku and ask them to test Ma'zurah to see if she fulfills the Nerevarine prophecies.” 

“Do you want me to come with you?” Jasmine’s expression was gentle.

“Ma'zurah does not know… probably, no. It will probably be tedious, and the Urshilaku will likely have enough trouble accepting one outlander. But Ma'zurah knows she cannot possibly be the Nerevarine, and she does not want to do this! If anyone is the Nerevarine, it is Julan! His mother speaks to Azurah! But Ma'zurah has no idea what to tell Julan… She cannot keep hiding like this, especially not now that…” Mazurah paused and closed her eyes. “She wants to tell him the truth, but Julan will explode when he finds out…”

Jasmine nodded slowly. “You’re worried he won't listen and he’ll just leave?”

Ma'zurah nodded miserably. “He makes Ma'zurah happy… she doesn't want to hurt him, but there’s no way he won't find out once we get to the Urshilaku… and if Ma'zurah tells him before that…” She halted, unable to finish the sentence.

Jasmine sighed. “You had to get involved with an Ashlander…”

“Velothi.” Ma'zurah corrected automatically in a monotone.

“Well whatever he is, he’s more intelligent than most I've seen. If you can figure out a way to get him to hear you out, maybe you can calm him enough to--” She snapped her fingers. “A letter!”

“What?” Ma'zurah stared at her in confusion.

“Write him a letter. That way hopefully he’ll read what you have to say all the way through before he tries to confront you about any of it.”

“Or he will burn it and leave…” Ma'zurah muttered darkly.

Jasmine shot her a look. “Do you have a better plan?”

There was a long pause.

“No…” Ma'zurah sighed. “...may Ma'zurah borrow your paper and ink?”

\---

Julan was pacing the small apartment in agitation. He half wished he’d gone to the South Wall cornerclub to get drunk out of his mind, but no. He had to stay and confront her. Sheogorath! Was he ever angry though!

It had been nearly an hour, he estimated. He bent and picked up his telepathy ring from where he had thrown it against the wall, and put it on. Concentrating, he didn't hear anything. What in Oblivion was that n’wah doing? 

He flung himself down onto the bed face first and screamed into a pillow. He needed an outlet. His head was becoming overwhelming again. He decided he was well past the point of wishing for a drink, he  _ needed _ one now to handle living in his own head! He stood and vainly searched the shelves again for any alcohol.

The door to the apartment opened and shut. “Julan? Are you still here?” In four strides he was at the foot of the stairs. “Oh! Julan, Ma’zurah needs to talk--”

He didn't let her finish. “YOU N’WAH!” he exploded.

Ma'zurah's eyes widened in shock.

“You… faithless, traitorous N’WAH! How could you DO this to me?” Julan could barely speak; just the sight of her made him furious.

“What… Julan…?”

“You SCUM! You LIAR!! I thought I could trust you!! I had even, IDIOT that I am, started to think I might…” Julan choked, and for one second he looked like he was about to cry, but the expression became clouded by anger as quickly as it had appeared. “Gah! Forget that now! NOW you have betrayed me in the WORST possible way!!”

Ma’zurah’s expression was panicked. “Julan, wait--”

“And don't even TRY to play innocent with me! I KNEW something wasn't right about that Cosades man! So I used our telepathy rings to listen in to your conversation!”

Ma’zurah’s expression transformed to one of outrage. She balled both hands into fists, crushing a folded piece of paper in one. “You SPIED on Ma’zurah?!” She was down the steps before Julan had a chance to blink. She held up a finger in his face, claw unsheathed. Some detached, clinical portion of Julan’s brain observed that the tip of her claw was stained with ink for some reason, and noted that he had never realized just how sharp her claws looked before. “Jer khrassozay qojiit! How dare you! How fucking DARE you!!”

The hypocrisy was too much for Julan. “WHAT!? YOU accuse ME of spying? YOU'RE the spy, Ma’zurah! I know that now! You're an IMPERIAL spy! Of all people, I never thought YOU would be a spy for my most hated enemies. And that's not even the WORST of it!!”

“Go on then! ZISS! What could Ma'zurah have POSSIBLY done to make to make this worse?!”

“You're trying to pass yourself off as the NEREVARINE! YOU?!! An OUTLANDER?! How DARE you mock me like that!! And not just me, my PEOPLE, my RELIGION and my entire CULTURE!!”

She bared her teeth and hissed at him, an action Julan had only ever seen in the heat of battle. “Because that’s what all this is about, ISN’T it! It is all about YOU! You and your PETTY HATRED!! You and  _ YOUR _ RELIGION!” Ma'zurah looked absolutely incensed, her teeth we're bared in threat, and her lashing tail had puffed to twice its usual size. “Or has Julan forgotten already that Ma’zurah calls Azurah Mother as well?!”

“I don't CARE!! You're still prepared to go the Urshilaku and attempt to con them into accepting you as the fulfillment of the prophecies!! That is the most offensive and ridiculous thing I have ever heard!!”

“Ma'zurah is not CONNING them! Ma'zurah is being forced to have them TEST her! Ma’zurah would get out of it if she could!”

“How can I possibly believe anything you say anymore!? I just... I can't believe you could do this to me.”

“And how do you think MA’ZURAH feels about this?!” She snarled and shoved a palm against his chest, forcing him to take a step back. “How do you think MA’ZURAH feels being forced to choose between you and herself?! Ma'zurah never HAD a choice!”

“YOU?! How YOU feel?... Wha... Stop changing the subject!! You LIED to me! Of course you had a choice! I told you my secrets, didn't I? Gods, you must've been laughing at me all along... How could you lie to me about something so important to me?!”

“Ma'zurah wonders if Julan quite understands the concept of BEING A BLADE!” Ma’zurah’s voice was beginning to sound hoarse. “Ma'zurah CANNOT just go around telling LITTLE BOYS she just MET all her secrets! She would be killed in an instant! But by the time Ma'zurah TRUSTED Julan enough to share her secrets, it was TOO LATE!” Ma'zurah’s eyes shone with unshed tears as she screamed at Julan. “Ma'zurah KNEW Julan would only react like THIS!”

“Like this?! Are you saying you think I'm OVERREACTING?! You betrayed me, and I will NEVER forgive you!!”

Ma'zurah stared at him with a stunned expression for a second before her brow clouded over again. “Then get out of Ma'zurah's apartment.” Her voice was quiet and despairing. She pointed up the stairs to the door behind her.

“Oh no. You're not getting rid of me that easily. Do you really think I'm going to sit back and let you try to mislead my people?” He crossed his arms in front of her.

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Your people? You mean the people that outcast you?” Ma'zurah sounded bitter. “Ma'zurah wonders, who is more trustworthy? An outlander Khajiit who has never done them wrong, or one of their own outcasts, who they have already judged untrustworthy merely by virtue of being outcast?”

“Go on, twist the knife! Yes, I'm an outcast from my people, same as you, and probably no one would listen to a word I said. But I have to try something! I can't let you do this! You'll have to kill me first!”

Ma'zurah closed her eyes and made a strangled noise in the back of her throat with an expression that was half angry, half pained. She threw a crumpled piece of paper at him and shoved past him into the apartment. He caught the wad of paper out of reflex and stalked after her.

Ma'zurah started shoving clothing and camping items into her pack, and Julan realized she meant to leave immediately. He quickly gathered his own pack and armor, and managed to finish putting everything into his pack just in time to hear Ma'zurah slam the door behind her. He raced after her, and managed to catch up to her at the other end of the Manor District plaza. She didn't even glance at him.

She walked directly to the Mages Guild, and nearly collided with Constance who was exiting the building.

“Ma'zurah! I'm back from Vivec! Crazy Legs sends his regards and Gentleman Jim has a new assignment! Oh! And he wanted me to give you this!” Constance shoved a small handful of silvery lockpicks into Ma'zurah’s hands and grinned. Her smile faltered when she finally registered Ma'zurah's stormy expression. “Did… something happen…?”

Ma'zurah's expression softened slightly, and she tried to give Constance a wan smile. “Ma'zurah and Julan had a fight.” She pulled Constance into a hug. “Would you mind telling Jasmine that Ma'zurah is leaving for the Urshilaku camp now, and that she will be in contact if she needs any help?” She untucked a simple citrine pendant necklace from below her tunic collar as explanation--Constance's telepathy amulet.

“Oh! But if you just give me a few minutes, I can be ready to come wi--”

“Ma'zurah thinks it might be a bad idea to bring anyone else on this assignment.” Ma'zurah cut Constance off.

“What? No! You think I’m just going to leave you to handle… whatever this is without me?” Constance crossed her arms and glanced at Julan standing silent and stoic behind Ma’zurah.

“Look, Ma’zurah does not need to press the limits of the Urshilaku hospitality by bringing more outlanders…” Ma’zurah chewed her lip. “Ma’zurah is sorry, but Constance would be more of a hinder than a help in this case… But… here.” Ma'zurah swung her pack off her shoulder and retrieved a small coin purse, which she tossed to Constance. “Thank you so much for all the help today. Go buy something nice for yourself.” She tried again to offer Constance a weak smile.

“Okay…” Despite the temptation of money and shopping, Constance looked unconvinced. She glanced down at the small coin purse in her hands, then back up at Ma'zurah with knitted brow. “If I don't hear from you by tonight, I'll contact you.”

Ma'zurah nodded and entered the Mage’s Guild before she had to face any more questioning from her friend. She walked quickly to the back of the building to a room occupied by two people. Julan followed as quickly as he could.

Ma'zurah gave Ajira a nod and a wave and approached the guild guide. “Ma’zurah needs to get to Ald-Ruhn, thanks.” She fished in her pocket and held out ten gold.

Julan started searching his pack for the coinpurse he rarely ever used, and had ten gold ready by the time Ma'zurah had disappeared in a flash of magicka.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta’agra Translations:  
> Jer khrassozay qojiit = you clawless coward  
> Ziss = untranslatable swear word  
> Ta’agra Resource: http://www.taagra.com
> 
> This story will contain mild, non-physical sexual harassment next chapter, just a heads-up. All chapters containing NSFW material will be noted as such.
> 
> Some of the lines are paraphrases or direct quotations from the Julan Ashlander mod. I’m a fan of people taking game quotes and giving them new or more detailed context.
> 
> Lore and characterization for Ma'zurah significantly inspired by the White Senches race mod.
> 
> The letter that Ma'zurah hands Jasmine near the beginning of the chapter can be read in full here: https://www.imperial-library.info/content/decoded-package-caius-casodes
> 
> I’ve only recently started writing, so constructive criticism is welcome!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a massive falling out that threatens to destroy their relationship, Ma’zurah and Julan maintain a tense silence as they travel to the Urshilaku camp.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: the second half of this chapter is NSFW, and contains masturbation and mild, non-physical sexual harassment.

“ _Jasmine, no, listen--_ ” Ma'zurah rubbed her forehead and stared dully out at the ashen landscape as it swayed past. The silt strider gave a long keening cry as its spindly legs delicately carried it away from Ald-ruhn over rocky outcrops and volcanic crags. An answering cry echoed from somewhere in the nearby hills. The strider’s handler gave a series of odd clicks with his tongue.

“ _Ah… please do not teleport to Ma'zurah, she is on a silt strider to Maar Gan. Really, she is fine!_ ”

On the other side of the strider’s passenger seating, as far away from Ma’zurah as possible, Julan shot Ma'zurah an odd look. Her gesticulation seemed to indicate that she was in silent, telepathic conversation with either Constance or Jasmine. He tried to guess which from her expression. Ma'zurah noticed him staring and met his gaze. Julan only twisted his face into an ugly sneer and turned away.

Ma'zurah cringed and mentally sighed. Jasmine had not been happy to learn she would not be accompanying Ma'zurah after the conversation with Julan had gone so poorly. “ _Ma'zurah is sorry, but it would be a bad idea to impose on the Urshilaku more than she already will be. One outlander is less threatening._ ”

“ _Look, I understand the logic, but I'm not happy about it. And I'm not happy you decided to just leave without a word either! What were you thinking?_ ”

“ _Ma'zurah told Constance to tell Jasmine--_ ”

Ma'zurah received the mental impression of a dismissive wave. “ _That’s not the same and you know it. I’ve been so worried! In the future don't just run off without talking about it, alright? And I expect regular updates!_ ” Jasmine's mental tone was exasperated.

Ma'zurah only sent her a weary mental nod.

Jasmine's mental tone softened. “ _Are you alright?_ ”

Ma'zurah closed her eyes. “ _No. Not really. Julan told Ma'zurah he would never forgive her. Ma'zurah thinks it might be over for good…_ ”

“ _I'm so sorry…_ ”

“ _He did not leave though. He insisted on coming to prevent Ma'zurah from ‘conning’ the Urshilaku. She was too upset to try to stop him. But now that she thinks about it, it means Ma'zurah still has a chance to convince him…_ ” Ma'zurah shot a wistful glance in Julan's direction. He was glowering over the side of the silt strider at a pack of nix hounds that were hastily retreating from the path of the enormous insect.

“ _Alright… if you think he’s still worth it. Is there anything you need me to do?_ ”

Ma'zurah gave a mental shake of her head. “ _Ma’zurah cannot think of anything._ ”

“ _Well-- Oh great. Sorry, I have to go before Constance spends all her money on sweetrolls or some such nonsense. Be careful out there. I’ll be here if you need me._ ”

“ _Alright. Thanks._ ” Ma'zurah gave another sigh upon feeling the mental connection break, and resignedly settled in to await the end of the ride.

\---

Ma'zurah slammed the door of the daedric ruin behind them with an echoing boom, and shook ash out of her fur and clothes. Her eyes adjusted to the dark, and she summoned a frost spell to her hands while she checked the area for danger. Julan scrambled through his pack for a torch.

They had been following the coastline, nearly at the end of their journey when an ash storm had descended from Red Mountain quite suddenly. They ran to the nearest shelter in sight: an old daedric shrine, and entered the first door they could locate.

Ma'zurah’s superior night vision warned her of movement further within, and suddenly the two were beset by three dremora.

Ma'zurah cast a shield. “Julan!”

Julan abandoned his search for a torch and cast night eye on himself. In one smooth movement he drew his sword and blocked the downward swing of an axe. Sparks flew.

At his side, Ma'zurah hurled razors of ice in the face of the closest dremora. Blinded, it bellowed and charged. Ma'zurah dove to the side in a roll and came up in a crouch, already forming an ice spike, only to be intercepted by the third dremora’s fire spell. It ricocheted off her shield, but sent Ma'zurah reeling.

Julan parried his foe’s axe again, and with a twist of his wrist, sent the weapon clattering against the wall. Taking advantage of the opening, he shove his off hand into the dremora’s face, grabbed, and summoned fire. The dremora issued an echoing shriek and clawed at Julan’s bracer.

Ma'zurah stumbled out of reach of her first foe, and hurled her ice spike at the spellcaster. She caught it in the neck and it dropped.

Julan dispatched his dremora with a sharp thrust of his sword, and turned to the remaining foe just in time to see the blinded dremora tackle Ma'zurah to the ground. Ma'zurah yowled and swiped at its face with her claws out of reflex. Julan brought his sword pommel down on its head just as Ma'zurah managed to dig her claws into its eyes and begin casting.

The dremora became a sudden deadweight on top of her, and she shoved it to the side. Her blood sang in exhilaration, calling for further battle. Julan thrust his sword under the dremora’s rib cage to ensure it would stay down. He reached out a hand to help Ma'zurah to her feet, but hesitated, and withdrew his hand just as Ma'zurah reached for him. She scowled at him and pushed herself to her feet as though nothing had happened. She turned to search the shrine for further enemies and Julan followed, sword at the ready.

They were halted by an unoccupied torchlit room with no further exits. Ma'zurah stalked around the edge of the room while Julan cleaned and sheathed his sword.

Ma'zurah stopped by a small plaque, and peered at it. “Assur… nabi… tashpi. Hah! Ma'zurah got it!” She grinned in triumph at her increasing ability to read the unfamiliar daedric script, and glanced at Julan. He looked away and said nothing. She swayed suddenly, the adrenaline finally catching up to her. She needed to sit down.

“Hey, Julan?” He was startled by a pair of furry arms around his waist.

“I'm not talking to you!” He craned his neck and glared at her.

Ma'zurah shot him a pleading look. “Please? Julan does not have to say anything, Ma'zurah is not feeling so great and just wants to be held…”

“Are you fucking serious?!” He wrenched himself away. “I don't want to even touch you! And stop acting like you care! I know you don't, and I'm not interested! I was a fool before, distracted by… I should have realized what you were really up to! You never cared, you were just manipulating me the whole time!”

Ma'zurah looked as though she had been slapped. She turned without a word and walked back to the door to retrieve her dropped pack.

Julan sat on a slab of broken stone and put his head in his hands tiredly. Maintaining that level of simmering anger was exhausting.

He looked up when he heard a thud and the rustle of fabric. Ma'zurah was facing away from him with her pack in front of her. She had stripped mostly naked, and was shaking ash out of her travel robes. She fastidiously avoided looking at him, hiding her turbulent expression.

Julan felt his ears heat up and he looked away. He stood and walked back to the door, cast a locking spell and a ward on it, and brought his own pack back into the torchlit room. He began searching through his pack, and Ma'zurah heard him mutter something about a lack of alcohol. She snickered maliciously.

“Oh! Sorry, is Ma'zurah making Julan uncomfortable?” She sauntered over to him with a dangerous glint in her eyes, still wearing nothing but her panties. “Well maybe Julan deserves to be uncomfortable!” She bared her teeth at him in a feral grin, and groped herself through her panties.

Julan’s eyes widened. “Ma'zurah, what in Oblivion are you doing?” His face burned, and, like it or not, his armor was getting too tight.

“You know what…?” she replied in a nonchalant voice that sounded in flat contradiction to her angry body language, “Ma'zurah thinks maybe she is horny now. And maybe Julan deserves to get a taste of what he’s missing out on by being such an insensitive bastard.” Ma'zurah’s tail lashed behind her. She glared at him with teeth bared predatorily, and rolled a pink nipple between her fingers. Julan swallowed. “It is Julan’s own damn fault! If only Julan had listened to Ma'zurah when she asked!” She started stroking her cock through her panties.

“Gods dammit Ma'zurah! Go do that somewhere else!” Julan burst out, anger warring with his arousal. He couldn't quite bring himself to look away.

“What? This is what Ma'zurah has to do when she is horny but her partner rejected her because he only wanted to yell, and never listened to Ma'zurah. Poor Ma'zurah is lonely now all by herself! Ma'zurah can't help it that Julan keeps staring at her!” She pulled her panties down slightly and started jerking herself off shamelessly, glaring at him all the while.

Julan narrowed his eyes at her. “Fuck you! Is this all you think of me? Am I just some kind of stupid, oversexed Dunmer stereotype that you feel like you can manipulate me like this?”

“Ma'zurah wonders something very similar!” She hissed back. “Does Julan think that Ma'zurah is just some stupid, sex-obsessed Khajiit, that she has no feelings and just fucked Julan because she was horny and trying to manipulate him?”

“You’re doing it right now!” Julan gritted his teeth to bite back a snarl.

“So? Ma'zurah wasn't a thief before she went to Cyrodiil! They expected her to be one, so she became one! If Julan truly believes that Ma'zurah manipulated him and cared nothing, then Ma'zurah can do that too! Watch her!” Ma'zurah's face was a rictus of anger, and she fucked into her fist forcefully.

“Gaah! Fuck! Do whatever you want! Just go away!” He turned on his heel and crouched to rummage through his pack again, though the contents provided a poor distraction from the noises she was making behind him. He shifted, trying to loosen his armor subtly.

The movement was not lost on Ma'zurah, and she laughed malevolently and walked around him to kneel in front of his crouched position. “Poor Julan!” she mocked. “He should take his armor off! Probably won't though.” She smirked at him. “Julan is much too proud to stoop to touching himself over a stupid Khajiit n'wah!” She stroked herself, bit her lip, and moaned provocatively.

Julan gritted his teeth and looked away from her. “And you accuse me of being a bastard.” he muttered.

“Mmm… what’s that? Ma'zurah can't hear… ooh… can't hear Julan over how _fucking_ good this feels…” An expression of pure, unrestrained desire chased all spitefulness from her face momentarily. “Oh gods… Julan…”

Julan peeked back at her, and immediately regretted it. She had begun fingering herself, and he could tell she was wet from the slick noises her fingers were making. His arousal started to eclipse his anger, and his armor was just painful enough for him to stop caring so much about what she thought of him. He stood, caught up his pack, and moved to a corner to unbuckle his greaves, giving himself some relief.

Ma'zurah followed his progress with her eyes. Her breath hitched upon catching sight of his arousal, only thinly veiled under Julan’s underclothing. She started to approach him, but Julan was still too proud to give her the satisfaction of manipulating him further, and he only unrolled his bedroll and tucked himself into it, curled away from her.

Deprived of her audience, Ma'zurah deflated, growling under her breath. She wasn't about to stoop to harassing him physically, and she couldn't very well continue as she had been when her audience was hiding his head under his blankets. She went to set up her own bedroll in the opposite corner. To her chagrin she found she couldn't ignore the aroused state she had worked herself into. She lay on her side and stared at the wall for a minute, then began to take care of the problem quietly. She didn't look at Julan.

More frustrated than angry, Julan listened to her quickened breathing from the corner, refusing to let himself succumb to temptation, even if she wouldn't notice. He felt a pang of longing on hearing her shuddering sigh of completion, and tried to suppress his empathetic response when he heard her sniffle a few moments later. Both of them lay in silence. Julan’s stomach growled, but he ignored it and eventually drifted off to sleep.

He awoke in the middle of the night to the sound of sobbing. He stuffed his pillow over his head, fighting back a wave of guilt that threatened to unleash tears of his own, and only when Ma'zurah had sobbed herself out did he finally drift back to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mods directly referenced:  
> -Julan Ashlander Companion Mod by Kateri. http://lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm  
> -Constance Thief Companion by Grumpy and Emma. http://lovkullen.net/Emma/Constance.htm  
> -Jasmine by Jac. http://www.nexusmods.com/morrowind/mods/43336/?  
> -White Senches by Kieve. http://www.nexusmods.com/morrowind/mods/10415/
> 
> Some of the lines are paraphrases or direct quotations from the Julan Ashlander mod. I’m a fan of people taking game quotes and giving them new or more detailed context.
> 
> Lore and characterization for Ma'zurah significantly inspired by the White Senches race mod.
> 
> I’ve only recently started writing, so constructive criticism is welcome!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julan wakes alone, finds two letters, and grapples with the consequences of his anger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mods directly referenced:  
> -Julan Ashlander Companion Mod by Kateri. http://lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm  
> -White Senches by Kieve. http://www.nexusmods.com/morrowind/mods/10415/

When Julan woke he was alone. Cursing his lack of vigilance, he hurried to gather his things only to discover a note lying atop his pack.

_Ma'zurah will not stop Julan from following her, but should he speak to the Urshilaku, he should not mention Ma'zurah's assignment. Ma'zurah must be tested to be proven false, and if Julan says anything that prevents Ma'zurah from being tested Julan will never get conclusive proof. Ma'zurah wants to be proven false just as much as Julan so she can move on with her life. So Julan should keep his mouth shut._

_M_

Julan clenched his jaw and rummaged through his pack for some scrib jerky to ease the pangs of his rumbling stomach. Of course. What she was asking only made sense, but that didn't mean he liked it. Julan looked down. Instead of the desired food item, his hand had encountered a wad of crumpled paper, out of place outside of his sealed, waterproof scroll case. Curious, he took it out and looked at it. He vaguely remembered shoving it into his pack at the beginning of this whole ordeal. He unfolded and smoothed it.

_Julan,_

_Ma'zurah has something she needs to confess to you. She hopes that by writing a letter she can get it all out in the open at once. She hopes that this will not ruin our relationship, but she would not be surprised if you hate her.  She just asks that you please read the letter all the way through before doing anything about any of it._

_Ma'zurah has told you before the story of how she was pulled out of prison and sent to Vvardenfell. There are a few things about that story that Ma'zurah was afraid to tell Julan, so she will finish the tale now._

_When Ma'zurah got to Seyda Neen, one of the conditions of her release was that she deliver a coded package to a man named Caius Cosades in Balmora, and follow his orders. When Ma'zurah delivered the package, she was told she had a choice: she could go back to prison, or become one of the Emperor’s Blades. Ma'zurah could not see how that choice was any real choice, so she became a Blade._

_Ma'zurah is so, so sorry for not telling you before. You have much reason to hate the Empire, and Ma’zurah understands. If Ma'zurah could quit, she would. She has more loyalty to her friends and her partner than she has to the Empire._

_At first the assignments Ma'zurah got were easy information gathering missions, but ever since Ma'zurah met you and found out about your own mission, she has dreaded going back to Cosades for each next assignment._

_Today Cosades finally gave Ma'zurah the details of the mission for which she had been released from prison. She was given a copy of the decoded package she had delivered to Cosades. It had orders directly from the Emperor. Ma'zurah could not believe it at first, but Cosades made it clear that if Ma'zurah does not do this thing, she will be thrown in prison again, but with treason added to her charges, and she would never be released._

_But the thing that Ma'zurah was released from prison to do is completely impossible. Ma'zurah has been ordered to fulfill the Nerevarine prophecies and become the Nerevarine. She was chosen to do this thing, apparently, directly by the Emperor, though how she has no idea--Ma'zurah has never even met the Emperor._

_Ma'zurah has no idea what to do now. Ma'zurah does not want to do this thing, but Ma'zurah will die in prison if she does not. Ma'zurah needs to find out more information. It seems wrong of the Emperor to treat Azurah's prophecies so disrespectfully, like they are a bounty contract to fulfill for personal gain. But it occurs to Ma'zurah that if Ma'zurah is proven not to be the Nerevarine through no fault of her own, that the Blades may not put Ma'zurah back in prison, and maybe she will be free. But Ma'zurah thinks that she will probably need Julan’s help to escape this thing. Please, Julan…_

_Ma'zurah really values her relationship with Julan, and she hopes that Julan can forgive her for waiting so long to tell him her secrets. If there is anything Ma'zurah can do to make things better, please tell her._

_Ma'zurah hopes that you will accept her most sincere apologies._

_Your partner,  
_ _Ma'zurah_

Julan lowered the letter slowly, his mind whirling. Ma'zurah had been right; he hadn't given her a chance to speak for herself. He hadn't even listened to her whole conversation with Cosades. He had just been so angry and hurt he had thrown his telepathy ring across the room and lashed out at her.

And then she had lashed out at him in return. And that hurt.

But before that had happened, she had been prepared to confess it all to him and ask for forgiveness. He held the proof in his hands. He folded the letter gently, and put it with his map and scrolls.

Thoughtfully, Julan walked out into the cloudy grey mid-morning light. The ash storm of the previous day had wiped the ashen landscape clean save for a few sets of fresh tracks. A set of nix hound prints, and the scuffling, sliding trail of a scrib lay close to the door of the shrine.

Julan paused and noted Ma'zurah's pawprints leading to the east. At least following her wouldn't be difficult. He fished the scrib jerky out of his pack and chewed it as he followed her path.

After a little over an hour he was in sight of the Urshilaku camp. A shout of warning arose almost as soon as he saw the first yurt. A few minutes later, three riders on guar brandishing spears rode out to meet him. Julan stood still and held his hands out at his sides away from his sword, his palms downturned to indicate magickal nonaggression.

The first rider snorted at his Velothi clothing and facial features and lack of clan markings, and addressed him in Dunmeris. “You speak to Zabamund, champion and gulkhan of the Urshilaku. Who are you, and why have you come, outsider?”

Julan cleared his throat. “My name is Julan, I’ve come seeking a white Khajiit who passed through here.”

One of the gulkhan’s riders muttered something in an unfamiliar, but intelligible dialect of Velothi about an invasion of white Khajiit, but the gulkhan made a silencing motion behind him.

“Julan, outsider, we have seen two white Khajiit recently, but only one remains at the camp. You may approach the camp if you will attempt to convince her to leave.”

Julan’s eyebrows rose at this unexpected development, and he agreed. They escorted him to the center of their small circle of yurts, and presented him to a young looking Khajiiti girl in odd, revealing, but formal looking clothing. Even without confirmation from Ma'zurah, he could tell she was another moon cursed Khajiit.

Julan blinked at her. Wooden wind chimes sounded hollowly in the background. The unfamiliar Khajiit cocked her head at him and sent the gulkhan a hesitant, questioning look. Zabamund stood stoically to the side with his arms crossed.

Julan cleared his throat and decided to try some of the Ta’agra Ma'zurah had taught him. “Uh… dras’kay, trevan? You’re not who I was expecting.”

The young Khajiit looked faintly shocked at his use of the Ta’agra greeting. “Nre’fa-o? You are not… who Velvet is... expecting too.”

Her Cyrodiilic was somewhat halting, so Julan switched to Dunmeris. “I'm Julan. What are you doing here?”

“Velvet is waiting for a friend. But her friend is very late, and she is getting worried…” Her Dunmeris was much more fluent, and she looked confused, but relieved at the language switch. “Why is Julan here? He knows the other White One? Is Julan a friend of cu’Ma’zurah?”

“You know her?”

“She was kind enough to offer to help Velvet when she returns.”

“Do you know where she went?”

Velvet looked guarded. “Er… Why does the Dunmer ask? Velvet would not wish to put her new cu’nre in danger.”

Julan looked taken aback. “I'm not going to hurt her. We were, uh… friends. I think the word she used for us was… ariit?”

Velvet burst out laughing, and Julan felt his ears heat up. He wondered if the word was more explicit than he’d originally thought.

“Okay, okay! Velvet believes you! Cu’Ma’zurah told Velvet that the Urshilaku would only talk to Ma'zurah if she became a clanfriend, so they sent her to their ancestral tomb as a part of some kind of initiation rite.”

Julan looked horrified. “I… I have to go after her… the little s'wit is going to get herself killed!”

Zabamund stepped forward. “There is no point in going after her, outsider. It is a trial to be undertaken alone. Even if you did follow her, you would not be able to get past the wards without the ceremonial markings.”

“I… fuck. You’re not going to give me the markings, are you.” Julan pressed his lips together, anxiety coursing through him.

Zabamund lifted a skeptical eyebrow at him. The meaning was clear: a silent “What do you think, f’lah?”

“...I have to go after her anyway…”

Julan felt a tug on his arm. “Velvet knows where to go. Ma'zurah showed Velvet. Do you have a map?”

Zabamund rolled his eyes and stalked off. Julan got out his map, and as an afterthought, an intervention scroll as well. “Here. The Urshilaku wanted me to convince you to leave, but I don't think they’re willing to kick you out. If something happens and you get stranded, this will get you to a strider port at least.”

Velvet’s eyes lit up. “Oh! Thank you!” She pointed to a location that lay several hours south of the camp, and told Julan the landmarks Ma'zurah had relayed to her.

Julan did not waste time, and hurried to follow Ma’zurah’s trail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta’agra Translations:  
> Dras’kay, trevan = hello, friend (a formal greeting)  
> Ariit = lovers  
> Ta’agra Resource: http://www.taagra.com
> 
> Higher Singing Translations: (From the White Senches race mod by Kieve)  
> Nre’fa-o = good dancing (used for hello and goodbye)  
> Cu = sibling  
> Cu’nre = friend (literally ‘heart sibling’)
> 
> Some of the lines are paraphrases or direct quotations from the Julan Ashlander mod. I’m a fan of people taking game quotes and giving them new or more detailed context.
> 
> The NPC Velvet is from the White Senches race mod. Lore and characterization for Ma'zurah also significantly inspired by the mod. The moon curse is not actually a thing in vanilla Elder Scrolls.
> 
> I’ve only recently started writing, so constructive criticism is welcome!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julan and Ma’zurah finally start communicating again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mods directly referenced:  
> -Julan Ashlander Companion Mod by Kateri. http://lovkullen.net/Emma/Kateri.htm  
> -White Senches by Kieve. http://www.nexusmods.com/morrowind/mods/10415/

Julan found the ancestral tomb just as the gulkhan had promised: warded against all entry. He set up camp in front of it, and waited. He alternated pacing, practicing his casting by manipulating the campfire, and sitting on his bedroll rereading Ma'zurah's letter. Now that his head wasn't clouded by anger, he could better examine his actions, and hers.

The sun was touching the horizon when the glowing ward over the door of the tomb suddenly dissipated, and the door burst open. Julan watched as Ma'zurah rushed through, slammed the door behind her, and collapsed against it. She had bright blue ritual markings painted on the fur of her face and arms, and she was bleeding profusely from a ragged, ugly looking gash over one eye. She clutched a bow to her chest.

Julan rushed over and crouched in front of her, already summoning his magicka to heal her. “Thank the gods! Are you okay?” He stroked the fur of her brow as he healed the wound.

“What do you care…” she mumbled in response. Her eyes were unfocused, but she made an effort to lift her head and glare at him.

Julan felt a pang of guilt. He hadn't been that harsh with her, had he?

Her eyes seemed to drift past his face, and Julan worriedly helped her to his bedroll and laid her down. “Don't fall asleep, okay? Can you tell me what hit you?”

She made a vague gesture with one hand. “Skeleton with a great big sword. Is nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, you’re lucky you didn't pass out and get eaten by wild nix hounds!” He searched through his small supply of scrolls until he found the one he wanted. If she had a concussion, she would need a stronger healing spell than he was capable of casting. Internal injuries were always the hardest to heal. He read the invocation, and placed a palm on Ma'zurah's forehead. She was momentarily bathed in a swirling golden glow, and when it dissipated she seemed to focus better. “There. At least you won't have any permanent damage. That's probably the best I can do for now. You can have a potion if you want, and you’ll need to eat a lot after that much healing. Maybe we should stay here for the night. I think it’s safe for you to get some rest now if you like. Do you want me to cook you something?”

She stared at him suspiciously. “...Why are you being so nice to Ma'zurah all of a sudden?”

He ran a hand through his hair and glanced down. “I… uh… found your letter. The one you wrote me in Balmora. I’d… um… like to talk to you when you’re feeling a bit better. Here.” He fished a clean bandage out of his pack, soaked it from his water skin, and began trying to clean the blood off Ma'zurah's face. She made a noise of protest and took the cloth from him to do it herself.

Julan sighed and stood. “Did you want me to cook something now?”

She waved a hand in the direction of her pack, still on the ground by the entrance to the tomb. The glowing blue ward had sprung up over the door again as soon as Ma'zurah had been moved away. “Ma'zurah traded for a couple of those large kwama eggs.”

“Oh. Those are good. Yeah, I can make those.” He smiled at her and retrieved her pack.

The two sat in silence while Julan unwrapped the carefully packed eggs and set them in the embers to cook. Every few minutes he reached out and gingerly turned the eggs, relying on his Dunmer blood to prevent himself from getting burned.

Ma'zurah lay on her side and stared into the fire. “It’s really weird watching you do that.” she mumbled.

“What?” He glanced between her and the eggs. “Oh. Only about as weird as your affinity for frost.”

They lapsed into silence again. Ma'zurah closed her eyes.

She was roused by a gently smiling Julan offering her a carefully cracked eggshell full of seasoned kwama egg. She sat up and took the egg. Julan retrieved his own egg and sat next to her on the bedroll.

The sun had completely set, but the moons were high and bright in the sky. The two ate their meal in silence, watching the silhouette of a wild silt strider ascending a hill along the horizon. A mournful call echoed out across the ashlands, and a much smaller strider silhouette appeared next to the first. Ma’zurah smiled at the sight and set her empty eggshell aside.

“How are you feeling now?” Julan turned to face her.

“A lot better. Thanks.” she said automatically.

“Good. I… was worried. I've been thinking. About a lot of things, really, but... uh... mainly about this whole Imperial spy... false Incarnate... thing.”

“Julan… do not start this again…” Ma'zurah rubbed her recently healed brow wearily.

“Please shut up and let me finish. You lied to me about being a spy for the Emperor, and I'm still not happy about that. And--”

“Ma’zurah did not lie! She just did not tell you!”

“Will you please be quiet and let me speak!? This isn't easy for me, you know! Gah! Listen... And I'm not happy about you agreeing to pretend to be Nerevarine for the Emperor. But--”

“Ma’zurah is not PRETENDING to be anything at all! She just wants to stop this nonsense! She cannot WAIT to be told she is not the--”

“SHUT UP!!! I know that! I'm trying to EXPLAIN something here! So... as I said, I've been thinking. And I've been trying to imagine what I would have done, if I had been in your position. And I don't really know. I probably would have shouted a lot and ended up getting thrown back into prison. Um... So... it occurred to me that maybe what I would have done in your situation wouldn't have been a good idea.”

“What is Julan saying?” Ma'zurah crossed her arms and stared at Julan suspiciously.

“If you'd let me finish, I'd tell you!! Sheogorath, I can tell you're not going to make this easy for me!”

“Are you... trying to apologize?”

“N... Maybe... I don't know!! All I know is that I tried to think about why you might be doing what you're doing, and... I suppose it's not your fault the Emperor is trying to manipulate you. And I can understand why you would want to find out what's going on. And…” He paused and chewed his lip. “And... um... I realized that this can't be easy for you either. And... uh... maybe I haven't exactly been making your life any easier.”

“Have not been making Ma’zurah’s life easier?! No shit, really?! You were awful to Ma'zurah! You have been a thoughtless, self-centered, immature BASTARD!” Tears pricked at Ma'zurah's eyes.

Julan exhaled. “...You're right. So... yes, I suppose I am trying to apologize. For shouting at you, and for not listening to you, and for not thinking about your side of things. And for generally being a thoughtless, self-centered, immature bastard.”

“Julan… You really hurt Ma’zurah… This is not something you can just fix with one apology…”

“Sheogorath! What do you want me to do, stab myself??”

“No! Ma’zurah wants you to acknowledge how badly you hurt her! And then prove to Ma’zurah that you are sincere! And prove that you will not ever be so thoughtless and hurtful again! And… and help Mazurah learn to trust you again! Because…” Mazurah closed her eyes and let out a shaky breath. “Because… Ma'zurah is stupid and foolish and does not want to lose you over this…”

Julan’s eyes widened, and he sat back and looked at her for some time. He let out a slow breath. “I understand. I… really am very, truly sorry for the way I've been acting. I'm sorry I hurt you. I… missed you… and I... I like you a lot, and even when I was angry, I felt bad that we might never be on speaking terms again. So I really am sorry, and I hope you can forgive me.” Julan buried his face in his hands. “There!! Will that do?!”

Ma'zurah swallowed and hid a shaky smile behind one hand. “Well, the ending spoiled the effect, but Ma’zurah does believe Julan is sincere…” She chewed her lip for a second. “And if we are really doing this, then Ma’zurah should apologize as well. For being a manipulative jerk and taking out her anger on Julan last night… Ma'zurah feels guilty about that, and is very sorry…”

Julan blinked. “I… thanks. I didn't actually expect you would apologize. It was a bit… cruel, but… I forgive you. For everything.” He smiled at her. “We should get some sleep, but first…” He scooted himself closer to her and reached for her. She accepted the hug, stiffly at first, but slowly relaxed. He leaned in to kiss her and his hands wandered lower.

She drew back. “Hey, no… Julan… Do not expect things to just immediately go back to the way they were before, like nothing happened… Ma’zurah is still hurting… even if it is better than it was… She just needs some time.”

“Aw…” He sighed. “...Fine. You will let me know when I'm _properly_ forgiven, won't you? Will it be soon, do you think?”

“Julan… You’re missing the point. It’s really not about time, it’s about rebuilding trust.”

“I… yeah. You’re right.” they sat in silence.

Ma'zurah sighed and took a metal curry comb from her pack, and started trying to clean the remains of dried blue paint and blood and ash from the fur of her arms and legs. In the absence of a bath, it was the best she could do.

Julan watched her for a moment. “Will you let me help?” he asked cautiously.

She glanced up at him and gave him a hesitant nod. He retrieved a fine toothed ivory comb and a thick bristled boar’s hair brush and sat behind her. He gently started working his way through the worst of the snarls in her hair, carefully starting from the ends and keeping grip above so he didn't hurt her.

She gradually relaxed, and he continued until he could run his fingers through her hair smoothly. His fingers lingered on the back of her neck, and she sighed and leaned into the touch. He smiled. “Hey, turn around.”

She did so, and he gently used the comb to clean the last of the dried blood from her face. She closed her eyes. She had lost some fur on her brow where the cut had been, but the skin was smooth and unbroken underneath. With any luck the fur would grow back just fine. He ran a hand through her hair, but it accidentally caught on one of her earrings. She squeaked.

“Sorry! Here--” He carefully tucked her hair behind her ears and smiled at her. “You know, I never asked before. Why do you wear mismatched earrings?”

“Oh! Because of Ma’zurah’s namesake-mother. See? Dawn and dusk.” She touched first the red crystal hanging from the tip of her right ear, then the blue on her left.

“That’s beautiful…” He cupped her face in one hand and stroked her cheek with his thumb. “Gods… _you’re_ beautiful…”

She leaned in and kissed him. His arms went around her and he pulled her into his lap. She settled into a comfortable position and brushed her lips against his in a series of light, grazing kisses. He kissed her softly for several moments before breaking away with a pensive sigh. He hugged her tightly and buried his face in the soft fur of her neck.

“I’m so, so sorry for hurting you…” he mumbled into her fur. “And for saying stupid things like, you never cared about me, when I knew it wasn't true…”

“Why did you say it then?” Ma'zurah's tone still held an undercurrent of pain.

He sighed again and rested his forehead against hers. “...I was angry. I didn't want to believe that someone who actually cared about me would ever hurt me like that. I told myself that since you lied to me about one thing, everything you ever said must also be a lie. But it was just an excuse. I always knew in the back of my mind that it wasn't true. Just, when I'm angry, it’s easier to listen to the things that make me stay angry.”

Ma'zurah’s brow knotted and she looked at him with sincere eyes. “Ma'zurah is so sorry for hurting you… she never meant to do it… She wanted to tell you the truth… She just did not know how to tell you without you leaving, and she could not stand that thought.”

“No, I understand. I'm honestly not sure what I would have done in your situation myself. Maybe the same thing even.” He gave her a wry smile. “But don't worry about it anymore. It’s forgiven.”

She gave him a relieved smile and brushed her whiskers against his cheek. “Thank you…”

“Of course.” Julan returned her smile with a tender smile of his own. “I would be an ungrateful bastard if I didn't. Even when I didn't deserve it, you’ve always been so nice to me…”

She gave a sudden soft laugh. “That’s the first time Julan has told that to Ma'zurah while not drunk.”

“What, really?” Julan gave her a lopsided grin. “I'll have to fix that then, won't I?” He leaned in close to her ear and half whispered, “You’re always really nice to me, and I really appreciate it, and I really, _really_ like you, and I can't stop thinking about you, and I'm so happy I haven't lost you. I think you’re gorgeous and strong and smart and sexy…”

Looking slightly overwhelmed, she turned and cut him off with a kiss that left him breathless.

“Dov, _jer_ vara zegata an yasir an zaji an jer ras Ma'zurah krin an jaj vaba opa kara jaj dej yesho vaba wo jer…” she breathed all in a rush, meeting his gaze with earnest eyes.

“...I have no idea what you just said, but the way you’re looking at me right now makes me feel like the luckiest mer alive…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ta’agra Translations:  
> Dov, jer vara zegata an yasir an zaji an jer ras Ma'zurah krin an jaj vaba opa kara jaj dej yesho vaba wo jer… = No, you are strong and smart and sexy and you make Ma'zurah laugh and she is so happy she can still be with you…  
> Ta’agra Resource: http://www.taagra.com
> 
> Some of the lines are paraphrases or direct quotations from the Julan Ashlander mod. I’m a fan of people taking game quotes and giving them new or more detailed context.
> 
> Lore and characterization for Ma'zurah significantly inspired by the White Senches race mod.
> 
> I’ve only recently started writing, so constructive criticism is welcome!


End file.
